[Gene J Puskar/AP Photo] (1)I've never been a fan of Donald Trump. I find him objectionable on many levels. My disdain for the man has gotten me into trouble rather often. In particular, I've drawn the ire of people in my life who see Christianity and conservative politics as two sides of the same coin, or who hold similar beliefs. I say all this to set the stage for what I'm going to say next.
When I heard the details of the assassination attempt on former President Trump on Saturday, my first thought was an echo of the old TV show Get Smart, "Missed it by that much." In other words, my first thought was that the assassin had failed, and I wished he hadn't. In my mirky sin filled heart there was a moment of disappointment that Trump lived.
I'm not proud of that moment in any way. The taking of any human life by murder is never acceptable and something I do not support or endorse. However, I still had the thought. I still wished that Trump had met his earthly end.
Confession is not something we practice much in church anymore. If—and when—we do make space in a worship service for confession, it is done in silence so we don't embarrass ourselves. It seems that our desire to save face is much stronger than our desire to be honest. The honest truth is we don’t really practice confession even though we are commanded to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16). Confession makes us feel uncomfortable, so we choose to ignore our dark impulses and shadowy thoughts—the worst of who we are—or at least we don't speak those thoughts out loud.
I'm here to speak one of my deep, dark sinful thoughts out loud. I wished that Donald Trump had died. This was my first reaction—the first impulse of my sin sick soul.
The Quaker thinker Parker Palmer has noted, "One of the things this society is most deficient in is safe spaces for truth-telling about the condition of our souls." (2) I think Palmer is right. We really have precious few spaces (if any) in the United States to tell the truth about what is happening in our souls. We don't often divulge to anyone (including ourselves) the truth of our inner life. Instead we choose to posture and virtue signal in public.
I was a bit shocked to see how dark my soul had become in this contemporary moment. I've allowed the partisan schism and self-righteous vitriol of our dysfunctional public discourse to worm its way into the core of my being. I've soaked up the poison of our putrid politics, and it has made me sick. I am infected and affected enough to wish death on another human being. King David, a man familiar with wishing death on his enemies (ex. Ps. 55:15), writes in Psalm 139:23-24,
It seems to me that we are in a moment in the United States when this set of verses is needed. I know I need them. I know I need God to search me and show the truth to me about what is hiding in my soul. I've seen in there, and it's not a pretty sight.
What about you?
What is hiding in your soul?
What was your first thought when you heard about the assassination attempt on Donald Trump?
If it had been President Biden that was nearly killed, where would your mind have gone?
How much have you allowed the rancorous rhetoric we are inundated with seep into your core?
“Open confession is good for the soul."
Scottish proverb
Joel K
(1) - https://www.aljazeera.com/gallery/2024/7/14/donald-trump-escapes-assassination-bid-at-us-campaign-rally
(2) - https://onbeing.org/programs/parker-palmer-courtney-martin-the-inner-life-of-rebellion/
When I heard he had COVID I immediately responded with good, he deserves it. And then my friend chastened me by saying she doesn't wish ill on anyone. So since then I've tried to do better, helped by knowing that his untimely passing for any reason would likely breed conspiracy theories and throw us into even more turmoil. When I heard there had been an assassination attempt I mostly just felt sad because it will inflame things further, and would have felt the same if it had been Biden.
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