As I began reading chapter 5, You Are Not "The Blessing," the story of the author pastoring a Bishop she had just met through his wife dying of cancer, a wave of emotion began to seep up from my very foundation. Because of my experience of having my wife battle cancer (she survived) cancer stories always swiftly dredge up lots of feelings and empathy. As I read I was resonating deeply with Bishop Bruce's story. However, it was a scene later in the chapter that caused me to breakdown into tears - in public - again(!). Following the death Bishop Bruce's wife Bolz-Weber found herself at the visitation and funeral. She relays this moment in the book:
"...Bruce approached me at the funeral reception and asked if I would stay until everyone had left, I said yes. As we stood in an empty church fellowship hall next to the drained coffee pots and empty cheese trays, I asked, "So, Bruce, who pastors bishops?" "No, one," he said in almost a whisper, not out of secrecy or shame but out of the weighty truth of it."
Reading Bruce's answer, that no one pastors bishops, is the exact spot where I burst into tears - once more relating on a very deep level.
Pastors find themselves in a unique position as the spiritual caregivers of others. Our spiritual leaders are often the givers of care, but far too often not recipients themselves. Bolz-Weber muses on why this might be the case:
"Maybe we simply don't want our leaders to have needs. Maybe it's not only the leaders who think they should be perfect; maybe it's also the followers who expect them to have it all together. Maybe we want the people who care for us and lead us to not be like us, to not struggle like us, because if we realize they, too, are hurting and needy, then maybe the spell - the illusion that we're okay, and in good hands - breaks. Like how distressed I was when I saw Miss Kramer, my third grade teacher, walking out of the teachers' bathroom. Wait. You mean teachers also go to the bathroom? You mean, like me? I never saw her the same again."
October is Pastors Appreciation Month. I wonder if this isn't a good time for leaders and followers alike to think about the nature of being a leader. It's not an easy job being a Pastor. I know first hand the pressure of feeling like I need to have all of my stuff together. I also know that shock I once felt when my leaders shared their shortcomings. I was once floored by a Professor's admission that he struggled his entire life with wanting to do daily Bible reading and prayer.
Can we not only appreciate our Pastor's this month, but also think through how we can best be the community of Christ together?
Do we expect our leaders to be the perfect people Bolz-Weber describes? For the reason she offers?
Do leaders buy into that culture of leadership perfection as well?
And maybe the most important question, who pastors the pastors?
Joel K
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